Spamhenge–May Last Longer Than the Original!

photo by Jedimentat44 on Flickr

This is not the only spamhenge, but it is a famous spamhenge, famous enough to have been a clue on the television game show Jeopardy. Yes, that’s right–Alex Trebek broached the esoteric topic of Stonehenge replicas on his show one fateful night! And we heard it.

Considering it is a spamhenge, it is rather well done. The stone shapes are correctly proportional and they have aimed the opening of the inner trilithon horseshoe toward the three lintel stretch in the outer circle. That counts for a lot as we said last week. We give this 7  druids, partly for the choice of material. Odd materials are in the Clonehenge tradition!

We believe this was created for the 7th Annual Chicago Spam Sculpture Contest. Which raises a lot of questions in itself. But on to our next Speedpost©!

Gourmet White Chocolate Stonehenge: It’s Good–Almost Too Good

photo by Bobby Yip from Reuters

Gourmet chocolatier Mirco Della Vecchia created this white chocolate Stonehenge as part of his Chocolate World Heritage show. Other sculptures in chocolate included the Tower of Pisa, the Colosseum, the Arc de Triomphe, the Parthenon, and the Egyptian Temple Abu Simbel. Each was reproduced in excruciating detail, down to the toes of the pharaohs, the crumbling of the Colosseum, and the shapes of the individual stones at Stonehenge!

We have been putting off posting this because, frankly, it is too good, and not in the true spirit of Clonehenge. What are we supposed to say about this? Complain about the lack of a ditch and bank or a heel stone? This Stonehenge model appears to be beautifully done down to the finest detail, although perhaps we should contact Mr. Della Vecchia and ask to have it sent here for closer inspection. And extensive tasting. Oops, we meant testing. Heh.

Our only other comment would be that we think he probably had the normal compulsion to do a Stonehenge but didn’t want to seem like a crackpot, so he did the others and called it Chocolate World Heritage in order to cover it up.

Score: 7 druids. We have deducted ½ druid for an absence of desirable wackiness. He could easily have added an alien or a replica Tardis if he wanted to achieve an 8. Lighten up, Mirco! But don’t worry–we DO accept bribes.

Still building suspense for the New Jersey personal garden henge. We can hear your hearts pounding! Both of them. So until then, Doctor, happy henging!

Citrus-Henge in the Riviera, Comes with its Own Druid!

photo from archaeology.co.uk

There are certain Stonehenge replicas that cause us to let out little chirps of sheer joy. The best example of one that made us insanely happy is, of course (as we are sure you will recall) the Taipei interactive Stonehenge sculpture. While the replica in this post doesn’t detect your approach or talk to you the way that one does, it is still squeak-worthy. Allow us to present to you… (drumroll) Citrus-henge!

Yes, ladies and germs, that is a Stonehenge replica made of lemons, limes and oranges. In France. We don’t ask for these things. Honest. People just can’t help themselves.

The story is, the French town of Menton, on the Riviera very near the border with Italy, has a lemon festival every year in late February and early March, featuring large floats with structures made of citrus fruit. Each year it has a different theme,this year’s being Great Civilisations. And there amidst the Babylonians, the Vikings, the Mayans and the Greeks, voila! someone did a Stonehenge.

Come to think of it, we may be burying the lead story here. Someone in France decided that something English represented a great civilisation. Of course the original was built over four thousand years ago, so it can’t be construed as a straight-on compliment. Wouldn’t be French if it were.

We would be content just to post a life-sized partial Stonehenge replica made of citrus, but there’s more. Oh, yes, my friends–your eyes do not deceive you, as much as you may wish they did. That is indeed none other than–a druid!!! Ya gotta love it. (these two photos courtesy of the carpe annum blog. Many thanks to them!) Clearly the message that druids did not build Stonehenge has not gotten through to people worldwide just yet. They did do a nice job on it, though, didn’t they? We wonder who got to keep that druid.

As to scoring, we are looking at a surprisingly well put together partial Stonehenge. The replica includes the three-lintel stretch from the outer circle, a slightly larger trilithon from the inner horseshoe, some bluestones, and what appears to be an altar stone. Someone also took time to give appropriately uneven shapes to the “sarsens”.  Considerable care and observation went into this. Well done. Score: 7 druids! We are even considering adding another half druid for the wackiness of it all. But they do have a druid already, don’t they?

Our thanks to friend-of-the-blog David Raven of Elmet Garden Services in West Yorkshire.  Thank you, David!  He’s very good with plants, everyone, and we encourage you to hire him to work the garden. A man in touch with the spirit of the land.

And until next time, folks, happy henging!

Cakehenges and Word Fields: the Plight of the Carbon-Conscious Blogger

photo from TheSugarSyndicate.com’s Flickr account
Believe it or not, we are swamped with new Stonehenge replicas of all sorts and you might think, if you were not in possession of all the facts, that we should be posting here at least a couple of times per week, if not every day. You could be forgiven for assuming we are just lazy.

But nothing could be further from the truth! What people don’t realise is that unlike other bloggers, who just use mass-produced letters and words, often imported from countries where they have been grown with pesticides by people who are paid sub-subsistence wages and who have no access to health care despite their crippling work, here at Clonehenge we personally grow every letter and every word ourselves, nurturing them with great care and at much expense.

This labour of love gives us precious little time for the fun of producing these posts for our adoring public, but because we know you are waiting breathlessly we tear ourselves away from the Palabra beanfields to craft these posts like drystone walls, turning and fitting each word and each letter until somehow they fit and balance to make the august edifice that is Clonehenge.

Today our topic is Stonehenge cakes, or cakehenges. The example above, beautifully done, was the 2007 creation of a Chicago-based bakery, The Sugar Syndicate, which is, alas, no longer a going concern. It is an outstanding example of the cakehenge genre, second only to our favourite, the mom-made cakehenge from New Zealand’s Vanda Symon.

photo by Siobhan Jess Sarrel

The confection in the pan above was posted on the Clonehenge Facebook page by reader Siobhan Jess Sarrel, about whom we know nothing, especially not how to pronounce her first name. She baked gluten-free brownies, used fondant to fashion the Stonehenge on top, and took it to a friend’s solstice party. (We do not know if Ms. Sarrel is in the northern or southern hemisphere, so we don’t know if it was a summer or winter solstice party.)

These henges have many things right with them. First, they are our preferred type–replicas of Stonehenge as it stands today. In both cases the builders looked at pictures of Stonehenge to guide their modeling. Both show the trilithon horseshoe and the three remaining adjacent lintels. Both show fallen stones.

The top cake is more accurate in scale and placement and also includes the bluestones. It is impeccable and professional looking. The brownies, on the other hand, are gluten-free.

This may not mean much to the average reader, but for us this is a huge factor. Not only are we at Clonehenge among those who are required for health reasons to eat gluten-free foods only, but it is a little-known fact that the original Stonehenge on Salisbury Plain IS IN FACT GLUTEN-FREE!!! Well caught, Lady S. J. Sarrel!

Scores? We give the Syndicate henge 7 ½ druids and Ms. Sarrel’s brownie henge a solid 7. We figure we don’t want to run afoul of any syndicate out of Chicago!

Well, it looks like we’ve just about run out of words that are developed enough to pick. We’ll have to let the fields grow a bit before we can post again. Here’s hoping the aliens don’t come by and ruin things with crop circles!

If you’re still hungry for cakehenges, find more here. And until next time, happy henging!

P.S.: What the hell is fondant, anyway? Yes, we know we could google it but the truth is we’re far too lazy. Oops.

Jellyhenge: Why Shouldn’t Stonehenge Be Red, Transparent, and Edible?!

photo by Dan French, used with permission (at least until he reads this)

This henge was presented to us by Dan French. We assume he or someone he knows created it, but who knows? The man does not seem to be trustworthy. For one thing, he gives his name as Dan French, but–get this–he IS NOT ACTUALLY FRENCH!!!1!! Like we wouldn’t notice that!

Also, he is a Bruce Springsteen fan. From Baldock, Hertfordshire. Does that seem right to you? Baldock, we happen to know (because we just read it on Wikipedia) was founded by THE KNIGHTS TEMPLAR!!!!1!(one)! and was the site of a leper colony in medieval times. How are lepers and the Knights Templar connected with Bruce Springsteen? And jelly? (We will again take up the topic of Baldock in a future post!)

Whew! There. Two solid informational paragraphs–and at first we were afraid we wouldn’t be able to write anything thoughtful about this henge. Pshaw. This is why we are the best Stonehenge replica blog going!

Which reminds us, what about the Stonehenge replica? We do love our Gentle Readers but they constantly work to get us off topic, as if we were an eccentric secondary school physics teacher. What we have here, Class, appears to be four outer trilithons and two inner trilithons. A little short of the real thing, but we have to take into account the superior materials. This is the henge the ancients wanted to build, but they didn’t have the advantage of modern gelatin technology.

Mr. “French” (Lestat?) claims the outer trilithons are raspberry and the inner are blueberry, cleverly giving a nod to the bluestones. But we all know how dependable he is. This could well be the ultimate blood sacrifice henge, with the blood incorporated directly into the megaliths!!

Not to get off the subject (heh), but have you seen this srsly awesome slow motion video of jelly (or Jello or Jell-O) cubes being dropped onto a hard surface? We do not use or advocate drugs, but if you are already smoked up or tripping, you will have a distinct advantage in enjoying this. And for the jelly-shot types, did you know that if you make them with Bacardi 151, they are so strong that they can kill you, but they can also be lit on fire?! DO NOT try this at home, especially if you have a couple of them first, even though that IS when you’re likely to be tempted!

What’s that you say? Henge? Oh, right. Let us address the score. The stone shapes are not right. There is no continuous linteling on the outer circle. The inner trilithons are not higher than the outer and there aren’t enough of them. No outliers or altar stone, no Aubrey holes… The list goes on and on.  But–it IS clear and wobbly. Think of the sunrise shining through this one, people! Think of the rare lichens. (?) We have carelessly given decent scores to much worse replicas than this.

Score: 6 druids! Congratulations, Mr. “Dan French”, but we’re still onto you. Millions of people would do anything to penetrate the prestigious world of Stonehenge replicas, including assuming false identities. Our nanotechnological insects are seeking you out as we speak. This isn’t our last post concerning you, sir!

To all of the rest of our Gentle Readers, know the chapter on vectors by Thursday. And until then, happy henging!

Cheesehenge, For the Sake of the Land!

photos from Laura Mousseau, used with permission

Well, after a long pause, which of course you know was caused by a freak double computer calamity because you follow us on Twitter, we are back with this excellent cheesehenge which you have of course already seen because it was our Friday foodhenge on Twitter back on March 5!

Laura Mousseau tells us, “Cheesehenge was created by Mark Stabb for a Nature Conservancy of Canada Ontario staff retreat (if you could link to the Nature Conservancy site for Ontario somehow it would be much appreciated!)” I suppose we could — [link]!. We’re, like, all in favour of the, you know, earth an’ s**t!

This is a particularly good cheesehenge. Observe tthe guacamole ground representing Salisbury Plain, inner trilithons that appear to be taller than the sarsens in the outer ring, and–la pièce de résistance–the careful placement of the inner trilithon horseshoe facing the the uprights with the three adjacent remaining lintels. Some observation definitely went into this, although we would not go so far as to say as someone does on the video (Oh, yes!) that it is archaeologically correct.

Cheesehenges, as we have said before, are among the commonest of henges, probably because cheese is capable of being cut into rectangular shapes and, of course, it is often served with alcoholic beverages, some of which appear to  have Stonehenge-generating properties. We have posted two cheesehenges before this. See here and here.

Score: 7 druids! If that seems high to you, you should know that we give extra consideration to treehuggers. It seems likely that the land was what it was all about back in the days of the original builders of Stonehenge, as well as over a millennium later in the days of the druids. Even today we all depend on it. Good to remember, people!

So kudos, Mr. Mark Stabb! Nicely done. The only problem here is all those people singing “dooooo” at the beginning of the video. Perhaps goofiness, in the end, is what makes the world go round. We sure hope so!

Until next time, whenever that is, happy henging!

Pastels, Peeps, Bunnies, and Violent Death–It Has to Be Spring!

photos from the PeepHenge page of Lord of the Peeps

In the northern hemisphere it is Spring. And where there are those who celebrate, this Sunday is Easter. In our opinion, this is the ultimate Spring and Easter or Eostre, or Spring Festivus henge! Look, it even has bluestones!

And amazingly even that 3 lintel section that still stands today at the real Stonehenge, with the trilithon horseshoe oriented toward it . These people looked at Stonehenge before they built their, well, madcap? zany? crazy-ass? henge. And druids are included, of course. Ish.

But the best thing is the sacrificial slaying, of course. A ghost/druid is posed in the act of ritually slaying a marshmallow snowman (symbolising Winter?) on a yellow bunny altar stone. Violent death never tasted so good! (We would see to it that the victim and perpetrator ended up on a funeral pyre–just until they were toasty brown and a little runny!).  Oh, murder most foul!

We haven’t said much about Lord of the Peeps. This is because you wouldn’t believe us if we told you that someone has done Lord of the Rings with marshmallow animals. Would you? No, we didn’t think so.

Score: 7½ druids. This is a great foodhenge! It has some accuracy, a sense of humour and some downright, almost worrying, craziness. That, folks, is what we like!

Happy Spring, Eostre, Easter, spring bird migration or whatever you celebrate this time of year! Enjoy it, but watch out for ghosts with toothpicks!

Happy henging!

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