Game Henges: Trash Goathenge. Ruin your cultural heritage!

Goathenge, photo by Jake Crimmins, used with permission

Goathenge, photo by Jake Crimmins, used with permission

from Venture Beat's Goat Simulator guide

from Venture Beat’s Goat Simulator guide

Virtual henges: no one likes to talk about them, but they are the dirty secret of a persistent reality in the Stonehenge replica world. Hardly a gaming world gets invented without a Stonehenge in it somewhere. Some have several—why should they be limited to one puny Stonehenge like our world is?

Maybe you’ve heard of  the game Goat Simulator. It has created a sensation in the gaming world in the short time since it was released, as much for its bugginess and simplicity  as for its game features. The game is played from the point of view of a goat and the goal is to wreak as much havoc as you can. And, of course, what would be more fun to trash than Stonehenge?? The copy reads, “Trash Goathenge: knock down all of the tall stones. Find Stonehenge and knock down every rock.” “Trash Goathenge. Ruin your cultural heritage.” We especially relish that last one. Almost makes us want to take up gaming! Actually it’s good to know that Stonehenge is still so much a part of pop culture that it shows up in games like this. And there’s something that feels right about goats and Stonehenge.

Another trendy game with a Stonehenge scene is Tearaway, a game in which everything appears to be made of sugar paper (construction paper if you’re from the wrong side of the Atlantic). Granted, you have to be watching for this one, but it’s there. In the following picture, you can see the paper Stonehenge below the main character and to the left.

screenshot from the game Tearaway

screenshot from the game Tearaway

Another Stonehenge, made in this case by a friend of the blog, James Brocklehurst, can be found in Minecraft on Snakeskin.

Stonehenge in Minecraft, on Snakeskin, made and imaged by James Brocklehurst

Stonehenge in Minecraft on Snakeskin, made and imaged by James Brocklehurst

It’s a little lumpy, but we’re told that underneath it is the Pandorica. If you don’t know what that is, drop your device right now and go watch the entire Doctor Who oeuvre! Not that you have to watch them all to know what it is, but it’s clear you haven’t watched them, which means you need to. Go ahead now. See you later.

Eternity Stonehenge, from Gamezebo's walkthrough

Eternity Stonehenge, from Gamezebo’s walkthrough

Stonehenges can also be found in games like Eternity and Mystery P.I.—The London Caper. Don’t ask us what platforms these games are on. We  don’t even know what that means. Just savour the henges, which show evidence of someone actually having looked at Stonehenge before designing them!

Stonehenge in Mystery P.I.—London Caper from Gamezebo's walkthrough

Stonehenge in Mystery P.I.—London Caper from Gamezebo’s walkthrough

We hoped to include more in this post, but there were so many game replicas that other kinds of virtual henges will have to have their own post.We have no doubt that readers will want to tell us about Stonehenges in other games. Please do, and we’ll include them in another post somewhere down the line. So far no Easter Island heads among these. Don’t send us anything that would ruin that for us!

Our thanks to inimitable friend of the blog Jake Crimmins for sending us the Goathenge and inspiring this post! And to James Brocklehurst for supplying the picture of his Minecraft henge. We have so many  non-virtual Stonehenge replicas needing to be posted that we have probably forgotten most of them. If you want to keep up, you can join the Clonehenge group on Facebook (or—get professional help!), where they get posted as we discover or learn about them. You would be surprised how often a new one gets posted. The world has a bad Stonehenge infection, and Stonehenge pop up all over like pustules. We’re just lazy about putting them here.

Thanks for taking time out of your busy gaming day to have a look at Clonehenge, and until the next time, friends, happy henging!

Stonehenge For Sale! In Australia!

 

Stonehenge Esperance, from the Real Estate listing

Stonehenge Esperance, from the Real Estate listing

We don’t usually list real estate on Clonehenge, but we’ve learned that in the realm of Stonehenge replicas, nothing is out of the question. Today there is a full-sized Stonehenge for sale, in conjunction with a cattle farm and luxury home, in Western Australia! And although we are posting this on April 1, this is not a joke. The real estate video (enjoy the music!):

We followed the building of this henge from when its stones were commissioned by Ross Smith, through the awkward stages of when he didn’t have the money to build it to when the Beales bravely decided to erect the abandoned stones on their property, watching that process as it progressed until it was built, and, as some said, better than the original, and now the “pink Stonehenge” is up for sale! Who will buy it? What will they do with it? Stay tuned for the news at 11:00!

Stonehenge Esperance, from the real estate site

Stonehenge Esperance, from the real estate site

So if you have $5 million Australian—and who doesn’t these days?—the dream is yours. You might miss the sheep, but on the other hand, you get an ocean view! And, as one site reminds us, “Unlike the English Stonehenge … this one is not broken.

Good luck in the bidding, and we don’t think we need to remind you, we have a very important birthday coming up. Hint hint!

Sountil next time, generous friends, happy henging!

Chip Henges: They’re the Latest Thing!

Stonehenge with chips and mushy peas, by Prudence Stait

Stonehenge with chips and mushy peas, by Prudence Staite

This won’t be a long post. We just want to keep you informed, Gentle Readers!Lately friends have drawn our attention to a couple of chip henges, or as the crasser parts of the globe might say, French fry henges. And we want to share them with you here, to enjoy with a fine ale and perhaps some fried fish (or, if you must, a burger).

The one pictured above was created by artist Prudence Staite, not to be confused with Firefly‘s wonderful Jewel Staite. Ms. Staite also created a cheesehenge a couple of years ago. Perhaps we should interview her on the blog! To quote the article that featured the photo, “Ms Staite’s edible art was commissioned to celebrate Chip Week 2014, which is organised by the Potato Council.” It reached our attention via Visit Wiltshire and the revered friend of the blog Rian Edwards, and very nearly by author Mike Williams as well. Thank you to them all!

Perhaps Chip Week was equally the inspiration for the other henge we’re featuring in this post:

Chip henge from the BBC's Room 101

Chip henge from the BBC’s Room 101

Not having seen the piece from which this chip henge was extracted, we don’t have any context for it. But it was sent to us by alert friend of the blog Ms. Emma Evans. Thank you, Emma!

They are similar and of similar quality, but we would be amiss not to draw your attention to the lemon sunrise in the photo at the top. A definitive touch! The mushy peas are, of course, definitively British as well.

We will keep you no longer. You are dismissed to go on to more weighty matters, like trying out the Megabits beta, or, well, eating chips and drinking heavily. Chip henges are not worth spending too much time on. They just show how Stonehenge replicas are an integral part of the Zeitgeist. As Clonehenge should be!

Don’t be afraid to make a chip henge or French fry henge part of your Saint Patrick’s Day celebration. Not that Stonehenge has ANYTHING to do with Ireland or Celtic people, but chips are very good when you’re drinking too much. So, whether in your cups or suffering with hangovers, dear friends, happy henging!

Carleton College Welcomes Tiny Stonehenge-Building Alien Ice Druids!

Snowhenge at Carleton College, photo by Erin Wilson, used with permission

Snowhenge at Carleton College. photo by Erin Wilson, used with permission

We used to post snowhenges from time to time earlier in our blog history. See the first five links here to view some. But it has been a while since we’ve seen one, despite copious amounts of snow in North America this winter. What on earth do people do with snow these days if they’re not henging with it? Tweet it? Instagram it? Make snowCamerons and hit them with flamethrowers? Haha, not in North America, of course. Just kidding. That’s why the UK government disallowed snow and only permits rain now, exactly so things like that won’t happen!

But at any rate, we have a snowhenge for you today, as you can see. It was built by students at Carleton College in Northfield, Minnesota and photographed by Erin Wilson, 2014 and Agnes Tse, 2016, the years being the year they will graduate, although no future accomplishment will ever come close to the glory of having a photograph posted on Clonehenge, so they may as well quit and turn to a life of crime now. Good luck!

Carleton College's snowhenge. Photo by Agnes Tse, used with permission

Carleton College’s snowhenge. Photo by Agnes Tse, used with permission

The oddest thing about this snowhenge has to be the fact that no one involved is talking about the most important bit of data about any henge: who actually built it. Very suspicious, if you ask us. Lots of care taken to see that we credit the photos properly, no mention at all of the builder(s). We aren’t ruling out the possibility that tiny alien ice druids have arrived from outer space to attend college in Minnesota. Further reports on this are welcome!

As for the score, we award 6 druids for this effort. Only an outer sarsen circle, without the inner trilithon horseshoe or any bluestones or ditch and bank, or outlier stones; proportions wrong, etc. Regular readers know the drill. 6 is actually a pretty high score for this, but we’re going with it.

The fact is, we love seeing a snowhenge after a long hiatus, and anyway, we’re glad to have something other than toilets at the top of our blog!

We have a Mexican Stonehenge replica from a park that includes miniatures of world landmarks coming up at some point. For up-to-the-moment reports on Stonehenge replicas large and small, join the Clonehenge Facebook group or follow Clonehenge on Twitter. Occasional Stonehenge news shows up there, too.

Our thanks to Pete Glastonbury and someone we know only as Liz! And, yes, until next time, we wish all of our friends some very happy henging!

Toilet Façade Henge, Alas, Gone Down the Tubes!

the toilet block at Stonehenge's old visitor centre, photo by Tim Daw, used with permission

toilet block at Stonehenge’s old visitor centre, photo by Tim Daw, used with permission

We have seen the toilet henges and the bog roll tube henges, and even one or two that appeared to be made from, well, something a dog left behind. So there is no reason to be squeamish about this one, right? These are the doors of the toilets at the old Stonehenge visitor centre, crafted and painted to give a suggestion of the monument itself.

Toilet at the old Stonehenge visitor centre, photo by Tim Daw

Toilet at the old Stonehenge visitor centre, photo by Tim Daw

There is a new visitor centre now, of course, and these have been torn down and carted away (presumably in bits. We doubt anyone would choose to keep them as memorabilia), disappeared forever. So this post is a last gesture of appreciation to whatever unknown person or people decided that a Stonehenge visitor centre needed Stonehenge toilets.

We’re certain there must be a theory out there proposing that Stonehenge must be an ancient toilet, probably for aliens. Every possible theory about Stonehenge eventually gets thought of; not only thought of, but fervently believed in and maniacally evangelised. The toilet theory of Stonehenge seems unlikely, and we don’t expect it to get much play in the media. Still, who knows what the future will bring!

We could have made a lot of bad toilet-related puns in this post, but we have been dancing around in a desperate effort to hold them in. We knew how you would appreciate it.

Our sincerest thanks to the inimitable Tim Daw, and until next time, of course, dear friends, we wish you happy henging!

Seemed Like a Good Movie Replica, But All Our Hopes Were Shanghaied!

A shot of the Stonehenge in Shanghai Knights

A shot of the Stonehenge in Shanghai Knights

One of the movies listed in our Quick List of Stonehenge Movies post is the 2003 movie Shanghai Knights. The Stonehenge above is seen in the movie for a minute or so. Have a look: not too bad, right? Even the shapes of the stones are good. At last, an American movie replica that actually looks like Stonehenge. It even has the sheeps!

But then we sat down and looked at it for a while. There’s something funny about those sheep. They should be bigger because they’re closer but instead they seem to be about the size of chickens when compared to the people. Unless there’s a whole Wiltshire breed of mini-sheep that we never heard of, that’s wrong.

When we went on to examine the stones, the closer we looked, the more suspicious they seemed. Forget that it’s a series of trilithons instead of a stone circle. That’s such a common rookie error that it’s hardly worth mentioning. Before we say what we saw, take a moment and have a look for yourself at the photo at the top. See anything fishy?

Here’s what we realised upon close study: that there are only two trilithons there, both repeated with small changes so you don’t notice. What does that mean? It means the Shanghai Knights Stonehenge replica never existed except as pixels. It is, disappointingly, merely a virtual henge.

Another, rather lovely, view of the Shanghai Knights replica

Another, rather lovely, view of the Shanghai Knights replica

On the second view, the photo just above, it’s less obvious at first, but upon closer examination, it’s clear that it has been heavily retouched, with the bottoms of the stones particularly hazy.

We’re not shocked. After all, building a whole Stonehenge out in a field for a short scene in which the characters never actually interact with the stones would be a lot more trouble and expense, and, frankly, more environmental damage than it’s worth. Still, it stands as a sad reminder that as computer graphics improve, we aren’t likely to see many real Stonehenges built for movies anymore. *sad Clonehenge face* It heralds the end of an era.

Before we go, here are the lines from the Shanghai Knights Stonehenge scene:

Who would leave a pile of stones in the middle of a field?

I don’t know, John. These people are nuts.

It must be American humour, because if it’s funny, we don’t get it. Maybe the humour is virtual, to match the henge!

We haven’t wished our readers a Happy New Year for 2014, so we do so now. May this be your best year yet. Remember, building a Stonehenge replica is good luck! Maybe that’s why Shanghai Knights didn’t turn out to be a very good movie. By refusing to build a real henge, they invoked an ancient Clonehenge curse!

So build yourself a Stonehenge, and until next time, friends, happy henging!

Happy Winter Solstice to All!

a bronze display model of Stonehenge in the new Visitor Centre

a bronze display model of Stonehenge in the new Visitor Centre

There is much to celebrate for Stonehenge lovers this week! Winter solstice is upon us, arguably the date for which Stonehenge was built, and the date of its great early festivals, AND this week marked the opening, at long last, of the new Stonehenge Visitor Centre. No more parking in the car park near Stonehenge and going through a dodgy underpass. Now you pay lots of money , er, we mean, get to go into a world class visitor centre and…

Visitors will be collected by Land Rovers drawing surprisingly elegant little carriages—English Heritage staff have been using them as quiet, comfortable meeting rooms to escape the building site—and taken to the stones.

The nice bit is:

The shuttles will stop halfway at a little wood – one of the myriad abandoned alternative sites for the centre – offering visitors the option of walking across fields to the monument, or continuing on to be dropped a short stroll from the stones. Although English Heritage cares for the monument, thousands of surrounding acres belong to the National Trust, and new signboards are being installed in the fields explaining the barrows, avenues and mounds which speckle the landscape.

a panorama at the Centre permits the experience of solstice sunrise all year long

a panorama at the Centre permits the experience of solstice sunrise all year long

But the Visitor Centre itself is packed with goodies, and an esteemed Friend of the Blog who went in and did reconnaissance for us, says that there are numerous Stonehenge models to be seen there (like the bronze one at the top of this post, with the solstice line marked on it plainly), as well as the panorama/virtual Stonehenge experience, seen above, that allows it to be solstice sunrise all day every day!

The gift shop offers Stonehenge models of various sizes: infant, toddler, child, and teen, from what we can see—the seeds of Stonehenge to be carried far and wide, where people will see them and—voilà!—want to make more Stonehenges! The contagion spreads, while also becoming more concentrated, ever more Stonehenges in the world What is the Stonehenge saturation point? Only time will tell.

And time is what the solstice is all about (see how we crudely and artlessly brought this post back to its subject? Oh, yes we did, uhuh, uhuh!). May your solstice (and whatever other holidays may be scattered in its general vicinity) be lovely and happy and fun and wonderful! Enjoy life while you can still walk around without stepping on Stonehenges. Mark our words: if things continue as they’ve been going, that may not last much longer!

And until next time, Gentle Friends, we wish you and yours happy henging!