Exposé: Shocking Photos From Our Visit to the Heart of the International Henge Trade!

poshest Stonehenge replica at the store

poshest Stonehenge replica at the store

Once upon a time, we thought we’d died and gone to Heaven. But it was just the store at the Stonehenge Visitor Centre.  Here is some of what we saw in our undercover foray into the international trade in henges of all kinds.

shelves full of Stonehenge replica: Clonehenge dream or Clonehenge nightmare??

shelves full of Stonehenge replicas: Clonehenge dream or Clonehenge nightmare??

more Stonehenges for sale!

more Stonehenges for sale! a snowglobe, a plaster model, a game, a ring, pens with trilithon charms, and a purple vinyl trilithon…

And what you see here is just a portion of what we witnessed during our investigative visit to discover the extent of the Stonehenge replica trafficking in which English Heritage is deeply implicated. Turns out they are waist deep in serious international trade in henge knock-offs, most of which are not even made in England.

This is the epicentre of a henge contagion that is spreading around the world, carried in the hands of innocent tourists. And yet, brazenly and without shame, EH displays its wares out in the open for anyone to see, with some even targeting the youngest and most innocent among us.

(In the interest of full disclosure, we bought a small Stonehenge in a tin, not pictured here, and a set of the chocolate trilithons, for medicinal purposes only!)

Of course there is still a place for the handmade henge, the Stonehenge made of food, and the garden replica, so until next time, gentle readers, happy henging!

Aerial pattern of the stones of Stonehenge, done in beads!

Aerial pattern of the stones of Stonehenge, done in pink beads! Is this meant for little girls???

more, more, more!!!

more, more, more!!! a pop-up book, another snowglobe, etched plexiglass, gold-tone and silver-tone trilithon pendants, chocolate trilithons, cheap molded Stonehenge models and trilithons, and the Stonehenge Anthology board game

Clonehenge Goes to Stonehenge: Investigating the Source of the Plague!

Stonehenge—Warning: NOT A REPLICA!

(Warning: this is NOT A REPLICA !) Stonehenge photo by Pete Glastonbury, used with permission. 

Well, the word is out, so we may as well say it here: the entire staff of Clonehenge.com is headed for the UK and, against the justifiable objections of everyone at English Heritage (probably), will be visiting Stonehenge itself in early June!

Despite the well-known dangers of brain infection that we have documented here on this blog for many years, we have decided that, for the sake of the future of mankind and, indeed, of the entire planet and all of its living things, it is nothing short of our duty to investigate the source of the contagion that is spreading little Stonehenges across the globe. So on an undisclosed day in the next few weeks, we will don our hazmat suits, or possibly a mack and Wellies, and approach the dreaded structure that so many foolish and unsuspecting tourists willingly view in the course of a year.

Thank you. Thank you. Yes, we deserve that thundering applause for our courage and self-sacrifice, but of course we are far too modest to admit it! We are, it is true, still awaiting our funding from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, Georgia, as well as our funding from the World Health Organisation, but we’re certain they will come through.

Miniature Stonehenge Model in a Tin, as sold at the Visitor Centre

Miniature Stonehenge Model in a Tin, as sold at the Visitor Centre

While there we hope to investigate stories we’ve heard of numerous Stonehenge replicas, large and small, sold at the Stonehenge Visitor Centre, including a particularly close inspection of certain chocolate trilithons of which we have been hearing ominous rumours!

Stonehenge of chocolate trilithons by @SchPrehistory on Twitter

Stonehenge of chocolate trilithons by @SchPrehistory on Twitter

Is it possible that EH or certain shadowy figures associated with the World Heritage Site are complicit in the plot to cover the earth with bad Stonehenge replicas by bringing in millions of tourists to contaminate their minds and then have them take home contagious gifts to families and friends? To find out the truth, we will stop at nothing, even including eating chocolate! It is a tough assignment, but we reluctantly and humbly accept it.

While in the environs, we hope to see other Stonehenge replicas and possibly Avebury and Silbury replicas, too. And the real ones as well. We will report back to our vast but quiet (very very quiet, but we know you’re out there! You are, aren’t you?) fandom.

So wish us luck in our hazardous endeavour. If you never hear from us again, well, you may assume we’re just being as lazy as always!

Until next time, gentle readers, happy henging!

Equinox Henge Sampler or, Good News—People are Still Strange!

knitted Stonehenge by Toogood Knits

knitted Stonehenge by Toogood Knits

Hello, friends! Yes, it’s vernal equinox in the northern hemisphere already and we haven’t posted on this blog since New Year’s. Go ahead, tell us how YOU’VE done everything YOU should have done since then. What’s that? We’re listening, but we can’t hear you? Okay, then.

At any rate, our absence here does not mean that nothing has been happening in the glamourous world of Stonehenge replicas. Au contraire! (See? Glamourous!) On Twitter and Facebook, many Stonehenge replicas, new and old, have been posted and admired. We thought we would post a few recent favourites here for those who still actually read blogs. Nostalgic for when people used to read, are you? The Clonehenge staff admires your old-school dedication!*

So behold: a wooden henge in a Liverpool park, made by John Merrill and John Ayling.

wooden henge in Liverpool's Princes Park

wooden henge in Liverpool’s Princes Park

A food-safe Stonehenge mold on Etsy, for fondant, chocolate, or candy henges, made by Michele B. Brosseau!

Stonehenge food-safe silicone mold

Stonehenge food-safe silicone mold from Etsy

An icehenge, built on a frozen lake in the northern U.S. by Drew McHenry, Kevin Lehner, Quinn Williams, Alec Niedringhaus and Patrick Shields.

Rock Lake Icehenge, in Lake Mills, Wisconsin, USA

Rock Lake Icehenge, in Lake Mills, Wisconsin, USA, photo by Eli Wedel

And then, of course, there are the many foodhenges, of which this melon henge is but an example. We’ve seen cakehenges, a beefhenge, and others including that old favourite, the sconehenge.

melonhenge from the blog Keep It Up, David

melonhenge from the blog Keep It Up, David

So, although our blog posts are sporadic, the world’s bizarre obsession with making Stonehenge replicas has not abated, and reports of them are still pouring in! If you can’t be at Stonehenge itself for the equinox/eclipse celebration this year, we suggest making your own Stonehenge and celebrating with friends. It’s the same earth, the same sun as they’ll have at Stonehenge, with less crowding, less noise, and less trash. And you know where to send the pictures!

Our thanks to all who have posted Stonehenge replicas where we could see them or who sent us emails or messages alerting us to them. A very happy equinox to all and until next time (and the Stones only know when that will be) we wish everyone out there some very happy henging!

*(We realise that you’ve given up reading and gone on to another blog by now, but it’s the thought that counts!)

The Fabulous Stonehenge Marbles: Perfect Gift for that Friend Who Blogs about Stonehenge Replicas!

Stonehenge marbles by Chris Inchaos Schiano

Stonehenge marbles by Chris Inchaos Schiano

We’ve all heard of the remarkable, historic, and controversial Elgin marbles, and lately they’ve been back in the news. But here on the Clonehenge blog we have something far more desirable to show you: the fabulous Stonehenge marbles by Chris Inchaos Schiano! Here is the Stonehenge marbles website. Basically we are going to spam you with photos, quote the artist, and end with a suggestion. Mr. Schiano says of his work:

“Stonehenge Marbles are unique pieces of contemporary art. I hand draw each stone out of glass and encase them to create a permanent miniature replica of the sacred sites. Each marble is a labor of love, which I harness to capture the spirit of the megaliths and the people who envisioned them thousands of years ago.”

A Stonehenge marble, yes, at Stonehenge!

A Stonehenge marble, yes, at Stonehenge!

Every day I learn something new about the stone circle that I try to relay into the glass.

more marbles

more marbles

And although these beautiful creations are more than enough, he doesn’t stop at Stonehenge.

Stonehenge and more, trapped in marbles

Stonehenge and more, trapped in marbles

Above we see: “Stonehenge Past and Present, Avebury, Stones of Stenness, Carnac, The Great Wall of China, Egyptian and Aztec Pyramids, the Parthenon, and [not sure whether to say “sadly” or “of course”!—CH] a Moai.” He has even done a Stonehenge marble with an Easter Island moai hidden in the glass at the bottom, in a fine (?) tradition long established among Stonehenge replica creators! Stonehenge marbles may show the monument either as it currently exists or as it is thought to have been originally.

Stonehenge marble with sunset

Stonehenge marble with sunset

Be sure to have a look at this video of a marble that was auctioned off just recently!

*wipes drool from corners of mouth* Heh. Excuse us. That video, tho. There seriously are not enough druids in the world to award for these things.

In closing, we hardly need point out that winter solstice and the Christmas holiday are almost upon us, and we know you’re all wondering what to buy for that hard-to-please but much adored Stonehenge replica blogger on your holiday gift lists. Let us make it easy. Why not order a custom Stonehenge marble (no moai necessary!)? We guarantee it’s bound to please, and think of the satisfaction you will gain from supporting an original artist instead of spending the hundreds you were planning to spend on bric-a-brac. ;-) Everyone wins!

We heartily wish a very happy solstice to all of our readers, and a happy holiday season to everyone. Until the next time, very close and very generous friends, happy henging!

Game Henges: Trash Goathenge. Ruin your cultural heritage!

Goathenge, photo by Jake Crimmins, used with permission

Goathenge, photo by Jake Crimmins, used with permission

from Venture Beat's Goat Simulator guide

from Venture Beat’s Goat Simulator guide

Virtual henges: no one likes to talk about them, but they are the dirty secret of a persistent reality in the Stonehenge replica world. Hardly a gaming world gets invented without a Stonehenge in it somewhere. Some have several—why should they be limited to one puny Stonehenge like our world is?

Maybe you’ve heard of  the game Goat Simulator. It has created a sensation in the gaming world in the short time since it was released, as much for its bugginess and simplicity  as for its game features. The game is played from the point of view of a goat and the goal is to wreak as much havoc as you can. And, of course, what would be more fun to trash than Stonehenge?? The copy reads, “Trash Goathenge: knock down all of the tall stones. Find Stonehenge and knock down every rock.” “Trash Goathenge. Ruin your cultural heritage.” We especially relish that last one. Almost makes us want to take up gaming! Actually it’s good to know that Stonehenge is still so much a part of pop culture that it shows up in games like this. And there’s something that feels right about goats and Stonehenge.

Another trendy game with a Stonehenge scene is Tearaway, a game in which everything appears to be made of sugar paper (construction paper if you’re from the wrong side of the Atlantic). Granted, you have to be watching for this one, but it’s there. In the following picture, you can see the paper Stonehenge below the main character and to the left.

screenshot from the game Tearaway

screenshot from the game Tearaway

Another Stonehenge, made in this case by a friend of the blog, James Brocklehurst, can be found in Minecraft on Snakeskin.

Stonehenge in Minecraft, on Snakeskin, made and imaged by James Brocklehurst

Stonehenge in Minecraft on Snakeskin, made and imaged by James Brocklehurst

It’s a little lumpy, but we’re told that underneath it is the Pandorica. If you don’t know what that is, drop your device right now and go watch the entire Doctor Who oeuvre! Not that you have to watch them all to know what it is, but it’s clear you haven’t watched them, which means you need to. Go ahead now. See you later.

Eternity Stonehenge, from Gamezebo's walkthrough

Eternity Stonehenge, from Gamezebo’s walkthrough

Stonehenges can also be found in games like Eternity and Mystery P.I.—The London Caper. Don’t ask us what platforms these games are on. We  don’t even know what that means. Just savour the henges, which show evidence of someone actually having looked at Stonehenge before designing them!

Stonehenge in Mystery P.I.—London Caper from Gamezebo's walkthrough

Stonehenge in Mystery P.I.—London Caper from Gamezebo’s walkthrough

We hoped to include more in this post, but there were so many game replicas that other kinds of virtual henges will have to have their own post.We have no doubt that readers will want to tell us about Stonehenges in other games. Please do, and we’ll include them in another post somewhere down the line. So far no Easter Island heads among these. Don’t send us anything that would ruin that for us!

Our thanks to inimitable friend of the blog Jake Crimmins for sending us the Goathenge and inspiring this post! And to James Brocklehurst for supplying the picture of his Minecraft henge. We have so many  non-virtual Stonehenge replicas needing to be posted that we have probably forgotten most of them. If you want to keep up, you can join the Clonehenge group on Facebook (or—get professional help!), where they get posted as we discover or learn about them. You would be surprised how often a new one gets posted. The world has a bad Stonehenge infection, and Stonehenge pop up all over like pustules. We’re just lazy about putting them here.

Thanks for taking time out of your busy gaming day to have a look at Clonehenge, and until the next time, friends, happy henging!

Compulsive Stonehenge Making: A Serious Psychological Problem!

(Attraction Dance Group Performance: Stonehenge makes its brief appearance from 16 to around 28 seconds into the performance.)

People clearly cannot help themselves! Lately the Stonehenge replicas have been showing up faster and faster, not just new replica, but new KINDS of replicas. The one in the video above, for example, is created as part of a “shadow dance”, in which dancers’ bodies create silhouettes resembling things, in this case Stonehenge, as well as the Tower Bridge, and so on. (But who cares after Stonehenge, really?)

Another recent television Stonehenge replica bit appeared on the Conan O’Brien show, when the musical group Fall Out Boy did a Spinal Tap tribute that included the legendary miniscule trilithon being lowered onto the stage:

Now, let us explain you a thing: the more involved you get with Stonehenge replicas, the less enthusiastic you become about Spinal Tap. Every time a Stonehenge replica is mentioned, some tiresome wag, impressed with his or her own cleverness, has to make a remark about it being crushed by a dwarf or quote lyrics from the song in the movie. If we had time we would do a blog of those comments and title it, Adventures in Nope. Still, we have to count the above performance as an appearance of a Stonehenge replica. Grudgingly.

Meanwhile, we have been seeing more small replicas: a Stonehenge cake, a careless foamhenge, a school project replica, a Stonehenge of wotsits, and, inevitable now that 3d printing is all the rage, a 3D printed Stonehenge!

3D printed Stonehenge by MakerBot

3D printed Stonehenge by MakerBot

There is also a small, rather Picasso-esque Stonehenge someone’s mum made for her garden, but permissions are pending, so it will have to be posted later if at all.

We are now convinced that the compulsion to make Stonehenge replicas is emerging as a serious psychological problem, and that it should be listed in the DSM as Compulsive Henging Disorder. By early recognition of this burgeoning syndrome we might be able to stem the tide of Stonehenge replicas of every material and description that could inundate the world of the future, a tsunami of Stonehenges threatening to overwhelm the world as we know it and create a Clonehenge apocalypse of unimaginable proportions!!!

What? Yes. Yes. It IS a load of bollocks, actually, but we have to fill the blog somehow. The point, however, should not be lost: something is forcing people to build Stonehenge replicas and making them think that it is their idea. Is it possible that Stonehenge itself is an alien life form seeking to reproduce itself by infecting the human mind like a virus or like the fungus that infects ant brains and makes them climb to a high point where a bird is likely to eat them? Is it possible that by the end of this sentence we will decide it’s time to end this post?

Possibly! It remains to be seen!

Until next time, friends, happy henging!

21 December, 2012: Apocalypse No!

Poster from Allan Sturm's LoveSmack Studios

Poster from Allan Sturm’s LoveSmack Studios

Greetings, henge lovers everywhere, and a happy solstice to you all from your friends at the Clonehenge blog!

Yes, you read the poster right. It says, “Dance inside a giant to-scale Stonehenge!” Yes, it says other things, too, but we are not the sexism police. We are the Stonehenge replica fandom. Focus! We have before us an exciting henging first–the Stonehenge dance floor!

This is a poster for an End of the World Party. (Apparently at the end of the world, fonts turn into zombies and parts of them begin to fall off. But once again, focus!) The end of the world. Ish. As of this writing, it is 21 December in Europe and Great Britain, but there have been no signs of the world ending. How Stonehenge ties in with the end of the world we’re not sure, either, but who are we to blow against the wind? Let’s see a few of the other pictures posted on the Clonehenge Facebook group recently as the apocalypse approacheth.

Citrus henge, courtesy of champion henger, Simon Burrow

Citrus henge, courtesy of champion henger, Simon Burrow

Friend and recent poster on this blog, Simon Burrow, posted this artistic citrus henge two days ago. Mr. Burrow is known for henging with unusual materials and with some frequency. If there were a thing like a henging problem, this henger might be said to have one. BUT there is not! So onward.

Photo posted by Bob Carlson, not sure who did the henging

Photo posted by Bob Carlson–not sure who did the henging

Ah, the days when Stonehenge was beset by eldritch creatures of the sea! Who wouldn’t want to make a replica of those epic times? Here’s one, a little short on lintels, but impressive nonetheless, posted by the mysterious Bob Carlson. We don’t know much about him, but anyone who henges AND speaks Welsh is all right by us!

A snowhenge, posted by Rufus T. Firefly

A snowhenge, posted by Rufus T. Firefly

And from R. T. Firefly of Henge Collective fame we have this snowhenge from another year. Don’t let that smile fool you–the creature shown here has teeth like a piranha and a temperament to match! If you see one at a henge, turn and run for your life. You have been warned!

miniature Stonehenge garden by Two Green Thumbs Gardens

miniature Stonehenge garden by Two Green Thumbs Gardens

And, yes, we have posted this last one before, but its popularity never dies–the miniature Stonehenge garden by Janit Calvo at Two Green Thumbs Miniature Garden Center. We include it again because she has furnished the curious with a blog post called How to Make a Miniature Stonehenge Garden for the End of the World. Timely! Briefly. Even better, she mentions us!!!

So there is our solstice/apocalypse post. Another year gone by, another turn of the sun, another special day for henges and hengers. It is also the last day for submissions to our henging contest. If you don’t know how to submit your entries, leave a comment on this post and we’ll answer.

Until next time friends, in this world or the next, happy henging!