How Can You Bring Stonehenge into Your Life? Let Us Help.

photo from daddytypes.com

So many people wonder (apparently), “How can I bring Stonehenge into my life?” Luckily for them, there are so many ways! Above you see Muji’s Mysteries in a Bag, a small wooden set that includes not just Stonehenge but a pyramid, the Sphinx, the Parthenon, Nessie, one o the Nazca line drawings, and, oh yes!, Easter Island heads or moai. Moai, despite coming from the other side of the world, are associated with Stonehenge replicas with alarming frequency.

We quote daddytypes.com‘s comments, “Forget Stonehenges in danger of being crushed by a dwarf; now you can have a Stonehenge in danger of being swallowed by a toddler. [And yeah, it's worth noting that all these things have small-to-tiny pieces. Personally, I worry less about easy-to-swallow than I do about choke hazard, but either way, heads up.]” We see the tiresome crushed by a dwarf reference all the time, this fellow used it well, in our (not so) humble opinion.

Another way to acquire a Stonehenge for your home or business can be found on Amazon (what can’t?). This piece is advertised as a “StoneHenge 180cms Lifesize Cardboard Cutout” but, let’s face it, 180 cm is not half the height of the shortest sarsens and this is just a trilithon. (StoneHenge–capitalisation of that H grates a little, doesn’t it?) The most striking thing about this Stonehenge is the £34.99 price for cardboard, even if it is “photo-quality” and has a “fold-out strut to the rear, which means its entirely self supporting”. Not everyone who has a strut to the rear is entirely self supporting…

This is another children’s Stonehenge, this time produced with the help of someone who actually knows something about Stonehenge, Mr. Julian Richards (We’ve mentioned him before, here. This is a clever book with good information to help you introduce your child, or someone else’s, to Stonehenge. (It almost hurts us when something is too good to make fun of.)

And this is a resin Stonehenge trilithon replica, 8 cm high and painted to look, not like stone, but, curiously, like metal. We spotted it on ebay some time ago, but its time has since expired. Striking looking.

No scores in this post. We’re just biding our time until our reader in New Jersey sends us the photograph we’re waiting for. We also have a nice pinhole picture Stonehenge model, complete with parking lot, in the works. People are making Stonehenge replicas much faster than we can post them.

Other ways to bring Stonehenge into your life, of course, many of which we have posted here in the past, include pre-made and make-it-yourself models, jewellery, cakes, small garden henges, photographs and more, including, of course, subscribing to Clonehenge or following it on Twitter or Facebook. When we remember we post a foodhenge to Twitter on Fridays.

There you have it. We managed to cop out and strike 4 items off our lengthening list at one blow. Someone recently told us that they think numbers of Stonehenge replicas will increase faster as we approach December 2011.  We need a young padawan. Does anyone want to send us their child to have him or her learn the Stonehenge-replica-posting trade? Calling for a Clonehenge apprentice! We promise to pay as much as we pay ourselves.

The New Jersey photo has just come in. Look for it next week. Until then, as always, happy henging!

Gourmet White Chocolate Stonehenge: It’s Good–Almost Too Good

photo by Bobby Yip from Reuters

Gourmet chocolatier Mirco Della Vecchia created this white chocolate Stonehenge as part of his Chocolate World Heritage show. Other sculptures in chocolate included the Tower of Pisa, the Colosseum, the Arc de Triomphe, the Parthenon, and the Egyptian Temple Abu Simbel. Each was reproduced in excruciating detail, down to the toes of the pharaohs, the crumbling of the Colosseum, and the shapes of the individual stones at Stonehenge!

We have been putting off posting this because, frankly, it is too good, and not in the true spirit of Clonehenge. What are we supposed to say about this? Complain about the lack of a ditch and bank or a heel stone? This Stonehenge model appears to be beautifully done down to the finest detail, although perhaps we should contact Mr. Della Vecchia and ask to have it sent here for closer inspection. And extensive tasting. Oops, we meant testing. Heh.

Our only other comment would be that we think he probably had the normal compulsion to do a Stonehenge but didn’t want to seem like a crackpot, so he did the others and called it Chocolate World Heritage in order to cover it up.

Score: 7 druids. We have deducted ½ druid for an absence of desirable wackiness. He could easily have added an alien or a replica Tardis if he wanted to achieve an 8. Lighten up, Mirco! But don’t worry–we DO accept bribes.

Still building suspense for the New Jersey personal garden henge. We can hear your hearts pounding! Both of them. So until then, Doctor, happy henging!

Meterhenge: Would YOU Send This to Clonehenge??

photos by Dan “French”

Remember that jelly henge a couple of months ago? The one we suspected was made of blood but that the contributor told us was raspberry and blueberry? No? Well, we said then that we would get back to the topics of the town of Baldock  and contributor Dan Not-Actually-from-France “French.”

And now we are doing that thing. These two photos were sent to us by Mr. French (You can see his photo here. Does that even look like a real person to you??) or whoever we’re actually dealing with. Raise your hands: how many of you would have taken a picture of this circle of meters and posted it to the Clonehenge Facebook group for us to see?

As expected, from where we are sitting we see NO hands. Our mysterious friend is on his own. He called the circle Meterhenge, One of the Seven Wonders of Baldock. We were trying to think of ways to be polite about telling him that this was as much like a Stonehenge replica as a traffic cone is like a Giza pyramid replica when we realised that the sly devil was being much more esoteric than he’d let on. This isn’t a Stonehenge replica–it is a replica of the oldest known temple in the world, Gobekli Tepe! The resemblance is stunning!

Mr. French’s comment when we mentioned it: “The name Baldock is supposed to have historical connections to Baghdad, too…uncanny, eh?” Heh. We won’t go into the distance between that part of Turkey and Baghdad in Iraq. He knows all that. Obviously we are dealing with one of the Illuminati, possibly even a shape-shifting reptilian, trying to act like a regular human being. (Remember how we told you that Baldock was founded by the Knights Templar?!) We may as well play along. Yes, Mr. French. Uncanny.

So that’s that. Let this be a lesson to all: don’t send us ridiculous circles of things that don’t resemble Stonehenge at all. We refuse to post them. Unless they resemble some obscure megalithic site that we’ve always wanted to work into our blog somehow, or unless you belong to a race of beings who could wipe out our extended family and both of our friends instantaneously without leaving a trace! This was one of those cases. We leave you, Gentle Reader, to guess which one.

Until next time, which may involve the hither-to unhenged state of New Jersey, happy henging!

P.S.: Are those things actually meters? What do they do exactly? Inquiring minds want to know! It might shed some light on the research at Gobekli Tepe.

Citrus-Henge in the Riviera, Comes with its Own Druid!

photo from archaeology.co.uk

There are certain Stonehenge replicas that cause us to let out little chirps of sheer joy. The best example of one that made us insanely happy is, of course (as we are sure you will recall) the Taipei interactive Stonehenge sculpture. While the replica in this post doesn’t detect your approach or talk to you the way that one does, it is still squeak-worthy. Allow us to present to you… (drumroll) Citrus-henge!

Yes, ladies and germs, that is a Stonehenge replica made of lemons, limes and oranges. In France. We don’t ask for these things. Honest. People just can’t help themselves.

The story is, the French town of Menton, on the Riviera very near the border with Italy, has a lemon festival every year in late February and early March, featuring large floats with structures made of citrus fruit. Each year it has a different theme,this year’s being Great Civilisations. And there amidst the Babylonians, the Vikings, the Mayans and the Greeks, voila! someone did a Stonehenge.

Come to think of it, we may be burying the lead story here. Someone in France decided that something English represented a great civilisation. Of course the original was built over four thousand years ago, so it can’t be construed as a straight-on compliment. Wouldn’t be French if it were.

We would be content just to post a life-sized partial Stonehenge replica made of citrus, but there’s more. Oh, yes, my friends–your eyes do not deceive you, as much as you may wish they did. That is indeed none other than–a druid!!! Ya gotta love it. (these two photos courtesy of the carpe annum blog. Many thanks to them!) Clearly the message that druids did not build Stonehenge has not gotten through to people worldwide just yet. They did do a nice job on it, though, didn’t they? We wonder who got to keep that druid.

As to scoring, we are looking at a surprisingly well put together partial Stonehenge. The replica includes the three-lintel stretch from the outer circle, a slightly larger trilithon from the inner horseshoe, some bluestones, and what appears to be an altar stone. Someone also took time to give appropriately uneven shapes to the “sarsens”.  Considerable care and observation went into this. Well done. Score: 7 druids! We are even considering adding another half druid for the wackiness of it all. But they do have a druid already, don’t they?

Our thanks to friend-of-the-blog David Raven of Elmet Garden Services in West Yorkshire.  Thank you, David!  He’s very good with plants, everyone, and we encourage you to hire him to work the garden. A man in touch with the spirit of the land.

And until next time, folks, happy henging!

Bouncy Irish Dolmen: Can We Get This in Stonehenge?

Is this not brilliant? A man named Jim Ricks created this variation on the bouncy castle, the Poulnabrone Bouncy Dolmen (more pictures and information at that link), referred to as a monumental inflatable sculpture, to be a public artwork.

Regular readers, a concept we doggedly refuse to stop pretending is real, know that we occasionally do posts on replicas of megalithic sites other than Stonehenge. This one is a surprisingly accurate rendering of the Poulnabrone Dolmen in Burren, County Clare, Ireland, as seen in the above photo by Keith Drummond.

Our warm thanks to friend of the blog Feòrag NicBhrìde for passing the link along to us! It may go without saying but we now have a second Clonehenge wish. Right after our hope for a Stonehenge replica in space we will now be keeping our fingers crossed and looking out for a bouncy Stonehenge!

We have faith in the Stonehenge replica imperative (Rule 34 s): Whatever it is, there is (or will be) a Stonehenge made of it. No exceptions. That bouncy Stonehenge may be out there already, at a child’s party in Singapore or a medieval fair in the Czech Republic. It’s just a matter of time until it appears online.

And we’ll be here to let you know. Until then, friends, happy henging!

NEWSFLASH!! As of April 19, 2012, mankind’s dream of a bouncy Stonehenge has been realised. With tears of deep emotion we offer you this, our post on the ultimate achievement of our species, Jeremy Deller’s bouncy inflatable Stonehenge. Oh, sweet world that answers our deepest and most hoped-for desires!

Let Me Tell You About My Stonehenge (Model Kit)

Our own photo

Recently we were pleased to receive our very own Stonehenge model kit from the Spanish company Aedis Ars. Apparently the post took its good old time getting it here, as it had been sent as much as two months ago, but all’s well that ends well, as they say, and here it is at the Clonehenge offices.

The set is quite impressive. It comes with a nice little history of the building of Stonehenge  and a large poster with pictures and diagrams showing how to assemble the kit. This is not a ready-made kit that requires only that you set the stones upright, but a kit for a serious hobbyist, preferably someone with a shed and extra work table where the set can remain while the modeler works at refining and constructing it over time. It seems perfect for the sort of British hobbyist who spends much of his time at the allotment or in a shed in the back garden, taking pains to perfect the finest detail in anything he fiddles with.

In other words, the end result would completely depend on how much time and finesse one wants to put into it. So far, I am sorry to say, ours remains in the box. Still, it looks like a fine model kit, with key details included.

For example, although the base provided is only big enough to include the main circle at Stonehenge, the construction poster shows an expanded view including the positions of the Slaughter Stone, the Heel Stone, Station Stones, and the Z, Y, and Aubrey Holes with distances and dimensions given, so that if said eccentric enthusiast wants to make his own expanded base in order to include more of the landscape, the information and extra stones he would need are there. We like to think that Clonehenge had something to do with that bit. If you know otherwise, please allow us our modest delusions of grandeur.

We can’t score this kit as we do complete replicas, but if we replace our usual druid scoring, as a set we would give it as many as 8½ anoraks. If we ever get our model made, we’ll post a picture. But don’t hold your breath. The new Stonehenge visitor center will probably be built first!

Many thanks to Aedis Ars for our complimentary kit. Nice to get a little loot for all of our thankless labour over the keyboard! When blogging about Stonehenge replicas becomes a lucrative business (any minute now), we’ll have an employee built the model (and we’ll expand those offices). Until then, gentle readers, happy henging!

The “Better Than Stonehenge” Henge: Esperance’s Replica Rises at Last!

photo from The Esperance Express, showing Kim and Jillian Beale at the henge

Was ever an erection so eagerly awaited? Well, yes, probably, but still we have been watching these stones since almost before they were cut, so it is delightful to see them standing at last! This is the Stonehenge replica in Esperance Australia, made from the stones cut for the much ballyhooed Ross Smith replica that died, so to speak, in utero with the stones still in the quarry because of money problems.

Then we got news that some enterprising individuals in Esperance, a town in southwestern Australia famous for beautiful beaches and for things like birds and bits of Skylab falling out of the sky, were going to buy the stones from the nearby quarry and build their very own tourist mecca/modern monument. They got a discount–there isn’t a huge market for unused life-sized Stonehenge pieces. The names Kim and Jillan Beale started to float into view. (Yes, the Jillian Beale in that racy Rotary calendar, but that’s another story.)

Our last update came in February, assuring all that plans were going forward. Then apparently we missed an article in March, in which, well, here is a quotation from it: “Mrs Beale was confident StoneHengeEsperance would be more visually striking than the mysterious English prehistoric monument. “It will beat it hands down,” she said. “We hope it will become a major attraction for Esperance and WA. It will be absolutely fantastic.”

We could do a whole post just on that, discussing the merits of the spelling of StoneHengeEsperance, whether this is in fact “the world’s first full-size stone replica of Stonehenge” and just how likely it is that the new structure is more beautiful than and will beat the real Stonehenge “hands down”, but time and news have moved on and so must we. We trust that our readers are of the sort who can make up their own witty remarks in a pinch.

Today we are celebrating the long awaited construction of the monument and discussing instead the more recent article which begins promisingly with this sentence, “JILLIAN and Kim Beale’s construction of what is thought to be the world’s only life-size replica of the ancient Stonehenge Druid ruins on their 1,066 acre Merivale Road property has taken another step forward with the addition of a new outer circle.

Let’s start with a discussion of whether this is the world’s only life-sized replica. No*. Then we go on to the phrase “ancient Stonehenge Druid ruins”. And when we are done LOLing we ask where did they do their research–on a forum for people who always dress in Renaissance Faire clothing? Someone needs to send a strikeforce into that sentence to take out the word Druid. Regular readers know, but we repeat: druids could not have built Stonehenge. They didn’t even arrive (or develop)  in England until 1000 years after it was completed. And, for the conspiracy theorists, is there any hidden meaning in that 1066 number??

We have tried to read the rest of the article but can only conclude that the reporter misinterpreted her own notes when she wrote it. There is talk of “horseshoe stones” and “an outer circle of 19 trilithon stones, surrounded by a circle of 30 sarsen stones”.  The right words are there but it doesn’t sound as if they are in the correct order.

All in all, what we see in the top picture looks very good, although the lack of lintels on what we can see of the outside circle naturally concerns us. Despite the strange reporting it is getting, we think the replica (we can’t bring ourselves to call it StoneHengeEsperance) will be awarded quite a few druids (our tongue-in-cheek scoring units) once we get a complete account and view of it. We’ll try to keep you posted, but if you see something about it before we do, please let us know. Meanwhile it is time we add it to the list of large permanent replicas.

Our thanks for alerting us again go to the lovely and talented @salisbury_matt , aka Matt Penny, who is still slogging away at SalisburyandStonehenge.net. Poor lad. And thanks to you if you have read all this way, or even just skipped down here from the beginning. Until next time, happy henging!

* Life-sized replicas other than the Montana replica linked above include the cement replica in Washington State, the Circle of Life in Connecticut (of  granite as this one is), and the BBC’s Foamhenge, which, alas, no longer stands.